My mom always tells me I came into this world angry and that I've never changed. I think she feels responsible for my unrest somehow but it wasn't her fault, I had bad gas. My stomach hurt and I'll never get over it. Once a colicy baby, always a colicy baby.
I don't know why I'm such an angry person, I don't want to be. I think everyone reading this is lovely but in my head right now I'm giving you the finger and peeing in your drink. Why? Why can't I just be happy? Even when I'm genuinely happy about something all I can think is, "this won't last long."
I wish I could be one of those people who go through life just singing a happy song, totally oblivious to all the bad things, you know, a Republican. God I wish I was stupid. It must be so freeing to not understand anything, to never see the big picture, or think that the "big picture" means the giant family photo on the mantel. To wake up and be content with your life and say, "this trailer is all I have and it's all I and my 9 kids need." That must be wonderful. When I wake up I think, "Are 300 threadcount sheets really the best I can do?" I do a genius level sudoku puzzle everyday but I'm thinking about stopping so that my brain will start to atrophy a little. Maybe I'll start playing Angry Birds. That'll numb me a little bit.
But the ironic thing is, and I can't speak for other "angry" people though I suspect they're the same, what I'm angry about the most is when I see people being treated differently or poorly. When someone is being taken advantage of or disrespected it makes me so sad that I get angry. I guess it might be true that comedians are the saddest people and this is how we channel it but I am such a suck. Everything makes me cry. I have indentations on my face from tears I cry so much, and I still have bad gas; I'm still a colicy baby.
If people were nice to each other, held doors, waved when you let them in your lane, treated people like equals, then comedy would be much less interesting. I think I wouldn't be doing it because what the hell would I have to say? "Don't you hate ketchup bottles!?" That doesn't matter.
I'd give anything to live in a world where I'm not angry anymore. I'll always have gas though 'cause I love cheese too much. Who are we kidding, I love me my cheesy cheesy gas, but to live in a world where people truly see other people? Well, I might almost start believing in God.